Welcome

Hey you see I think I'm in love with you..
Nowadays all I think about is about you day and night and sometimes when I'm traveling some random people feels like you but they are not you like it's all my imagination but my mind is playing tricks on me and I may not show it outwards but I feel everything too deeply like I feel most of my emotions in my heart like when I'm sad I will get a feeling of suffocation in my chest and when I'm very sad or like blaming myself I will feel pain in my heart , also know what I notice every little thing change in your tone, energy, the expression of your eyes everything and it affects me very much if you sometimes talk to me in a dead like tone it hurts me very much once you've done something like that like idk if you remember it but I think it's the day before I came for doing the project, and the way you talked made me overthink very much and I even cried that day, well I do cry I'm not that strong It's all just a facade, a facade I've to create inorder to hide my pitfull self from my parents, to show them that I'm fine,also I'm not blaming this on you, so don't blame it on yourself
And you see you've got some particular smell with you maybe it's your detergent not perfume ig, as I've got a sensitive nose i could literally smell it when you pass by me even if someone have the similar smell yours is different and whenever well when I'm in lab when you passed after me and I smelled your smell my heart started racing and my arms lost it's strength but I couldn't show it right, also this happens when I suddenly see you out of nowhere

And I've felt like you've got some feelings towards me but I can't quite reach a conclusion on that feeling I got from you bcuz i was afraid and but somehow I started developing my feelings for you (that's a story for later) and after that i started noticing your actions but not until this arts fest, when the time we interacted I myself reached into a conclusion that you do like me so I started giving you signals and as you didn't stop replying and become even more active i thought maybe it's true so I chose to risk my all (I was very afraid of that time my heart was in turmoil I was very afraid) and sent you a reel, i expected no reply but you sent the msg "will you marry me" well at that time i literally got a mini heart attack, my whole body started shaking, my hands too i couldn't even type properly at that time and my heart was beating like hell, and I couldn't sleep at all that day my mind was constantly replaying this
After that i am certain that youve something for me and you increased sending me reels but even then I still felt like there was some hesitation within you, well I too hesitates in real world but in online I will risk my all because well I know about the risk and I'm quite afraid of it but I didn't wanted that fear to stop me from expressing my feelings so I risk it all even knowing that failure means heart break bcuz i had read some quote like this
“Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once.”

And I started giving you more signals it was all normal until today but when I heard from someone that you've registered for the prom night i I felt like I i really felt very sad like idk how to explain but I felt like so was that all my imagination, maybe huh, who will even love you, how could you think of something like that,...
It was very hard evn typing this my eyes brimms with tears well as I couldn't argue against this thoughts i could only accept it right
And when I heard that you've registered for that I felt very sad but also jealous and possessive I felt like I wanted to hug you so tight and say please don't leave me but can I...
I don't want you to leave me I'm afraid of losing you
And I wanted to stop thinking about this for a few days so that my mind could reach to better state, but I couldn't stop thinking, i i this uncertainty is making it worse so that's why I thought of writing this to you, i chose to gamble my all even knowing that rejection may crush my heart i still think that you may love me(i don't want to use the word hope bcuz i hate it) also if I will regret doing it and not doing it i would rather regret doing it and accept my fate
Well I'm not writing this to force you to say anything, i just wanted to convey my feelings
I know if I'm wrong you may feel disgusted by me ( well it may hurts very much, but how can I blame you, isn't that my decision and my imagination) and i think that look from you can hurt me more than what rejection could, that doesn't mean rejection didn't affect me, but how can I force someone to love me, is love something that should be forced
And you know what I liked the most in your was your good heart and your innocence, even in this harsh society seeing someone like you caring for others and still retaining your innocence makes me feel happy
Well you know you don't have to answer me right now and I am not forcing you to answer but I think this uncertainty is causing much pain to me bcuz if we were really close i couldve already said all my problems to you right
So if you don't feel the same just only text a simple word "sorry" i will accept it as my own mistake and I won't hate you (how can I ) and don't worry I will be fine...(Ig who knows )
And if you do really have feelings for me send me an "i love you" I will be waiting for your reply
You know how much courage i mustered up to send you this, it's too much tension, pressure, nervousness and I'm not someone that brave but I'm a coward who refuse to bend to fear and I will wait for your reply
I love you.......
From the bottom of my heart....
And I want to know you....
I hope (no I don't want to use that word but) I get the chance to...
And thank you for showing me that i could still feel emotions and even love someone very deeply